Tag Archives: Relationships

Broken For A Purpose: Broken To Be Built.

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I still remember when my heart got broken. Yes that was me and girl, trust me when I say broken. I mean how could the guy who professed to love me to the moon and back walk out on me with no reason barely 6 months into the relationship? (I felt my world had crushed, well it did.) He was like an angel from the beginning and the last time I checked angels do not hurt. So how come? How naïve?

Sadly in midday of March, little did I know that all the beautiful times, constant care and attention we shared would one day come to an end. What worsened the matter was that he walked out without an explanation. He left too many questions on my mind I could not find answers to. I mean everything was ok between us. He wasn’t like the other guys who felt abstaining from sex till marriage was primitive.

As a matter of fact, he commended me for upholding my values. He supported my dreams and encouraged me towards attaining my goals. So what the hell had gone wrong with my prince charming? I needed answers yet I couldn’t find any. I couldn’t understand why everything that seemed so perfect all of a sudden would mean nothing at all.

At first I thought it was a joke. But the calls stopped coming and the messages stopped flooding my inbox. It was real. I cried weeks on end, I listened to music I felt was soothing, no hugs were comforting and no words of motivation were motivating enough. All my writings were about him and the bitter experience. I was in the doldrums. Nothing ever hurt so badly like that.

I felt God had forsaken me. I didn’t even think I will be writing this today, no. Not until that conference in May, the Rhema Conference. After the service, I received the call that changed my life. The man of God told me God’s eyes are on me and that I should surrender all to him. That I couldn’t make it on my own. And that, I should no longer fret about what didn’t matter. And that was all the inspiration I needed. My first love got me! Shoop a doop Jackie!

There was a transformation. There was an urgency to draw closer to God. I run back into my heavenly father’s arms for his comfort. I had left him for so long chasing a mortal who could offer me nothing but heartbreak. He was more than ready to receive me once I acknowledged his existence. He knew I was going to be hurt but I guess he wanted me to go through the remnants of a broken heart.

Now I yearned to have a personal relationship with God. I studied the Bible as a priority. I prayed and cried to God for recuperation. He healed me and made me better. I emerged from the heartbreak with a scar which reminds me everyday on thriving towards becoming the phenomenal woman that God made me to be. I have become stronger and wiser by grace of God. Yet again, I have learned to follow God’s wisdom and forgiveness. I learned to have faith in God to lead me to someone in His timing.

Today, I can say confidently that I was broken but God is using my brokenness to build other people who find themselves in the position i was some years ago, which is all that this blog is about.

So thank you for always stopping by to read when there is something new up here, i hope God helps you to put the pieces in your life together so you can have an amazing story to tell and heal the world.
Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s darkest before the dawn!
Light and Love!

Signed: Jackie Hanson
The Khayil Woman

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“5 Reasons People Go Back To the Things That Break Them”-In Relationships

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Everyone’s wish in every sphere of their lives is that, they will prosper in the ventures they embark on. The same rule applies when we meet someone and develop feelings for them. A normal person will hope that, that platonic relationship will flourish and eventually bloom into something beautiful and forever.

Whereas, some people are simply fortunate, others get tossed in a roller coaster characterized with numerous and unthinkable challenges. Some of the awful things that happen to us (those who get hurt over and over again) are result of the fact that, we allow them to happen to us, knowing or unknowingly.

In love and relationships, the assumption is that, you can’t give up on love because someone hurt you. But as you do, sometimes, you unintentionally give yourself away to be hurt again. Here are five reasons why people go back to the things that break them:

1. We don’t heal completely: When you go through the pain of a failed relationship, it’s often not advisable to jump into another one with hopes of getting better. You need to go through recuperation process (see my post on Recuperation Process).
It may take some long time but you need to go through it. Breakups are not pleasant experiences, you can’t afford keep ending up in there.

2. We become tired of waiting: Like I said in the previous point, recuperation may take a very long time. However, that is no excuse to start another one when you are still nursing bruises from the past. No one likes to wait for whatever but if indeed the saying “the best things come to those who wait” is true then wouldn’t you rather wait?

3. We get shifted in focus: Especially in our walk with God, when we stop getting closer to
God, that is, when we allow little foxes to get into our walk with Him, it ruins the relationship. So bad so that, now we don’t seek His consent in our endeavours and move away from His counsel. Once our relationship with God becomes unsteady, we will keep running into things that will break than repair us. Stay with God!

4. We pretend to be ok when we aren’t: Here’s one major reason why we keep going through pain over and over again. Because we feign our personalities and pretend as though everything is ok when everything is not ok. Because we want to be on the same page as everyone else and be in relationships that are detrimental to our well being. So when a guy shows you a simple gesture of kindness today, you jump into his arms tomorrow flattered that he loves you only to find yourself in ruins all over again. Quit the pretense!

5. Holding on in hopes of getting better: Until you find yourself in that situation, you will think it’s ridiculous for people to stay in relationships that are not pleasurable. But you know, sometimes people just love the idea of being in a relationship for the beauty of it. That among many reasons is why they still remain in them regardless how abusive they are. Or typically, because they wouldn’t like to be lonely or single again, they will choose to stay. What’s the point? Rather be alone than unhappy!

There are so many lessons that failed relationships teach us. If we don’t allow ourselves to be taught by them, we won’t appreciate them. Don’t be ashamed of the scars they leave you with. Scars are a proof that God heals and a reminder that He’s faithful. He will honour at the right time in His acceptable year. Get up, wipe the dust off you and embrace your bright future that’s ahead of you. Remain blessed.

Light and Love,
Jackie.
The Khayil Woman.

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Some Lessons Are Learnt The Hard Way; My Story

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You’ve got to read this… 😎

At some point in my life, I was chasing a guy I didn’t even realize I was chasing. I was overwhelmed and charmed by his personality. He was my “perfect kind of guy” and a Christian brother. I wanted to have a relationship beyond friendship with him so I did everything for him to notice me like being at places he was going to be etc… He was already my friend but he didn’t give me the kind of attention I wanted him to give me and unknown to him, I felt pained. I would text him, call him and spend long hours on the phone with him. When I had problems with my spiritual life I would take it to him and he helped me get back on track. To me, he posed as the most suitable husband and it made me practically shut my eyes and ears to prospective suitors, It was him or no other. I didn’t care how long it was going to take me. I comforted myself, it’s God’s way of telling me to wait for His appointed time. I fasted. I prayed.
Weeks turned to months, months to years and still, he never popped the question. Eventually he changed towards me by not answering my calls and would reluctantly reply my messages and it was disappointing.
Perhaps, he knew how I felt about him and decided to guard himself by deliberately cutting ties with me. I wasn’t ready to disclose to him how I felt, it would stain my ego. I suffered silently.

I opened up to my mom and she counselled that it would be better I forget about Him, focus on building my career, develop myself and above all, trust God to send me someone in His own timing. Even though I had genuine intentions, I had to learn to trust God’s perfect time.
Thinking about the whole thing all over, I realized that it was God’s way at work in my life. It’s often being said that the best things come to those who wait.
From my story, I learnt that if God gave me what I was praying and fasting for, the guy would have taken God’s place and will practically become an idol in my life. Or the worst case scenario, we would have compromised on our purity and sin against God. God is never late and He assures that we will be victorious when we wait. So to prevent future heartbreaks, it is advisable to cut every tie with him meaning that I desist calling, texting and basically avoid anything that will leave his memories on my mind which I can’t help.

It’s ok to be friends with a brother in the faith but be careful not to translate some of their actions into other things that won’t augur well for your emotions.
Guys, don’t lead the sister on when you know you don’t have any plan of settling down with her. If it requires that you break the friendship with her, please do. You’ll only be saving her from getting disappointed.

Ladies, know your worth. You are to be chased after and not the other way. Make a conscious effort of controlling your emotions. The least thing you want to do is break your own heart when the guy in question is happily enjoying his life. Use this time to become a better woman physically, spiritually and emotionally. I know how hard it can get but the earlier you console yourself and move on, the better.

Today may not make sense but tomorrow will answer yesterday’s pain, discomfort and disappointment.
“Value doesn’t beg, Faith doesn’t worry” – Cornelius Lindsey.

Signed: Jackie Hanson
The Khayil Woman.

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Jesus At The Center

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For the umpteenth time, I’ve been asked, “What makes a good relationship”? Let me attempt to answer but just so you know I’m not a relationship expert, in fact I am not even in one. Yet thank God for wisdom and grace to address some of these issues as inspired.

Without a shadow of doubt, I know, that a Christ-centered relationship will thrive.
I know you are itching your head and cringing at this and you are saying “it is not possible in this modern day”.
But lean forward and take this, the fear of God in us will compel us to trust and obey.

The fear of God in us alone will restrain us from doing things in our relationships that are not in agreement with God’s word. Should Nii and I make up our minds to pursue God and to walk with Him in our “dating” period, there will be no room for ungodly acts to have a place in our relationship. Just like David, we pray God, that His word will be hidden in our hearts so that we may not sin against Him.

When we become intentional about making Jesus the center of our relationships, it will be difficult for sin to have dominion over us.

It comes from two people who determine in their hearts not to allow the lusts of the flesh have control over their lives.

Two hearts who say Lord, it is not about us and our desires but doing what pleases you and gives you glory is our business.

Two minds who decide that we will not blend into society’s standard of right and modern but all that matters to us is, that your glory is manifested through our lives in our pursuit of purity.

It is because we trust God’s word that He will add all other things unto us if we seek Him first, so we will trust and obey!!

Not that we are not tempted to fall sometimes but the word of God in our hearts constantly reminds us “to put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lusts”.  Roman 13:14

May the joy of the Lord strengthen us and may the fear of the Lord in us compel us to build our relationships with Jesus at the center and focus! God bless you.

Light and Love,
Jackie Hanson
The Khayil Woman

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Recuperation Process

 

Screenshot_2015-07-13-08-04-01-1Break up is never a pleasant thing to experience. Dealing with having to completely forget about a “sweet heart” and how to overcome the hurt after break up is even more devastating especially when you still love the person and can’t let go.

Whatever they said  was the reason to dump you like “i’m sorry,it’s not you,it’s me” “i don’t want you to get hurt…(but you’re hurting me anyway) “i need some space” ….blah! symbolises that they are done with you and are/have moved on.

In instances where your high expectations aren’t met,you’re left crest fallen and disappointed. The feeling is galling!Screenshot_2015-07-12-22-39-49-1

Must you still stay in the tunnel hoping he comes back to ignite the flame again? I’m sorry dear but some dreams donot come true. You got to rise up and shake the misery off at once. Here are some few nuggets i pray will be helpful.

1.Return To Your First Love:
 
Maybe your relationship wasn’t Christ centered so you invested some valuable time doing ungodly things to please your patner that you found little or no time for God. Now he’s gone and left you without a shoulder to cry on. Truth is,your first love, God, has been and is still patient waiting for you to return to be comforted by Him. Go back to Him in prayer for forgiveness. He will forgive and heal your bruises without a scar and give you hope.

2.Have Time For God:       Already you have spent enough time away from God seeking love that rendered you broken. Staying indoors crying over spilt milk won’t bring him back. Get busy working for God with your talent. You’ll experience a great feeling of joy as you keep doing what pleases Him. In fact,it’s a great thing to serve the Lord.

3.Stay Beautiful:         Most times girls especially, allow themselves for the breakup to have its toll on them. So obvious that one wouldn’t struggle to tell that she’s suffering a heart break. She leaves herself unappealing and virtually puts no effort to look good. You don’t want to give that guy reason to believe that you can’t live without him when actually you are better off without him.

Telling the world how broken you are by your appearance won’t majically join the pieces together. Add a touch to yourself and while at it, let your inner beauty glitter.

4.Let Go:                   Times will come when you will miss them but clearly this other person has managed to cut all ties with you. They don’t call or text and you want to tell them you miss them? That’s unwise! If they can keep their distance, why not you too? It’s not ego. It’s accepting the fact that sometimes in life you can’t have everything you wish to have”

5.Give Love A Chance:I think it’s awkward to conclude that you won’t love again. The fact that the former didn’t work out doesn’t mean the latter is bound to fail. Sometimes, such bitter experiences are meant to take us through the mill to prepare us for the future.

You may consider the failed relationship as God’s ways of delivering you from further harm, don’t be hard on yourself. By giving love another chance, it shows that you trust God and believe that He will honour you if you honour Him in His perfect time.

Open up and smile back at your potentials, you could be missing out on a great spouse God is working out for you…just because? Give love a chance, you need some affection in your life!

Recuperation is a process! I wish you well as you go through healing. Hope it ends well with you.Recuperation Process

Love and Light,
Signed: Jackie Hanson
The Khayil Woman

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