Everyone’s wish in every sphere of their lives is that, they will prosper in the ventures they embark on. The same rule applies when we meet someone and develop feelings for them. A normal person will hope that, that platonic relationship will flourish and eventually bloom into something beautiful and forever.
Whereas, some people are simply fortunate, others get tossed in a roller coaster characterized with numerous and unthinkable challenges. Some of the awful things that happen to us (those who get hurt over and over again) are result of the fact that, we allow them to happen to us, knowing or unknowingly.
In love and relationships, the assumption is that, you can’t give up on love because someone hurt you. But as you do, sometimes, you unintentionally give yourself away to be hurt again. Here are five reasons why people go back to the things that break them:
1. We don’t heal completely: When you go through the pain of a failed relationship, it’s often not advisable to jump into another one with hopes of getting better. You need to go through recuperation process (see my post on Recuperation Process).
It may take some long time but you need to go through it. Breakups are not pleasant experiences, you can’t afford keep ending up in there.
2. We become tired of waiting: Like I said in the previous point, recuperation may take a very long time. However, that is no excuse to start another one when you are still nursing bruises from the past. No one likes to wait for whatever but if indeed the saying “the best things come to those who wait” is true then wouldn’t you rather wait?
3. We get shifted in focus: Especially in our walk with God, when we stop getting closer to
God, that is, when we allow little foxes to get into our walk with Him, it ruins the relationship. So bad so that, now we don’t seek His consent in our endeavours and move away from His counsel. Once our relationship with God becomes unsteady, we will keep running into things that will break than repair us. Stay with God!
4. We pretend to be ok when we aren’t: Here’s one major reason why we keep going through pain over and over again. Because we feign our personalities and pretend as though everything is ok when everything is not ok. Because we want to be on the same page as everyone else and be in relationships that are detrimental to our well being. So when a guy shows you a simple gesture of kindness today, you jump into his arms tomorrow flattered that he loves you only to find yourself in ruins all over again. Quit the pretense!
5. Holding on in hopes of getting better: Until you find yourself in that situation, you will think it’s ridiculous for people to stay in relationships that are not pleasurable. But you know, sometimes people just love the idea of being in a relationship for the beauty of it. That among many reasons is why they still remain in them regardless how abusive they are. Or typically, because they wouldn’t like to be lonely or single again, they will choose to stay. What’s the point? Rather be alone than unhappy!
There are so many lessons that failed relationships teach us. If we don’t allow ourselves to be taught by them, we won’t appreciate them. Don’t be ashamed of the scars they leave you with. Scars are a proof that God heals and a reminder that He’s faithful. He will honour at the right time in His acceptable year. Get up, wipe the dust off you and embrace your bright future that’s ahead of you. Remain blessed.
Light and Love,
The Khayil Woman.