Oh how I adore the idea of being married! The concept gets me deeply drowned in a world of fantasies that I can’t set myself free. I’ll chatter heartily about anything that had something to do with the subject. Pictured that tall, dark, well-built guy with an articulate tongue flexing his arms over me or laying in his bosom telling me “I love you babe and want to grow old with you” and oh introducing me proudly to his friends and family as his wife…. Oh my! Don’t kid! I loved the beauty! How was I going to react when he finally proposed? I’ll get in front of a mirror and act it all out. I bet I would have landed a role just for that scene. Need I talk of the other essential thing where there ain’t anything like chastity? (Face covered) See, I just couldn’t wait to get married!
One question I failed to ask myself in the midst of the craze however was, “Jackie, are you ready for marriage”? Can I ask you the same? Are you really ready? It took me to go down deep into myself to answer this one true question. How was I going to survive the marriage when my relationship with God isn’t grounded? Hello! My unscrupulous buying anything habit still was under the sheets. I didn’t even have a bank account to consider saving. Pathetic! How was I going to support my dear hubby pay all the bills? I concluded I wasn’t mature! Was I going to stay and fix my marriage or run back into my parent’s arms when there was a problem? These are some of the questions I needed to answer truly.
Until I got saved and understood that marriage is a holy institution set by God, my ideology on the subject transformed. Now when I get on my knees to pray, my prayer is that God P-R-E-P-A-R-E me! Lord, M-O-U-L-D me! I don’t want to just get married because of a diamond ring, no! I don’t want to get married because of sex. Sex isn’t everything. I don’t want to be a burden but a blessing cuffed in a ring. M-A-K-E me Lord. Can you cleanse my heart and purge my spirit? Do it Lord! Get rid of every fault that’s in me. Because the Bible says that my body is the temple of the Most High so Lord, strip me off every thought that exalts itself in my life and please create in me a right spirit. Yes!
I no longer want that kinda man I used to fantasize about anymore. I want that one you have set for me who loves you and submits to your will. The one who depends solely on you and reveals Christ Jesus in every step he takes. Lord, I want that man who acknowledges you and goes all hard to enhance your kingdom. That man who can intercede for me, pray with me, help me grow in your word and lead me to Heaven. Lord I don’t want just an “ojacious” man but a genuine believer of the gospel. Yes Lord I want that man you have chosen for me who can accommodate and grow with me in spirit. That man… that man, who adores and respects his mother and sisters.
But first, take me through the refining process: Renew me and make me whole. Let my lifestyle glorify you and let it draw others to your amazing grace. Until then, I do not qualify to be the proud wife of a great man who will find favor in your sight. So God please mold me, make me, and prepare me! Let me be the woman after your heart and the apple of that man’s eye. Make me wife-worthy! Amen.#CandidPrayer
Signed: Jackie Hanson
(The Khayil Woman)